Wednesday, 10 July 2019

And now for something completely different.

The other day, as I was unpacking my Pokemon bento box to chow down on a squashed pickled-plum rice ball and radish salad, I had a sudden yearning for a good sandwich. After moving to Japan I realised that I couldn't really manage to replicate any of the sandwiches I enjoy, as the bread is sugary and soft, the lunch meats intolerably expensive, and the cheese isn't really cheese. My state of lament was such that it inspired me to write this blog entry - my favourite sandwich I have invented (of many). I am sure it closely resembles the famous "tuna melt", which ironically I had always avoided as it sounded unappetising, and I was not consciously aware of how it was made.

This is perhaps the most important sandwich to me, as I invented it in my second year of university, and it remained a staple the whole year, I loved it so much. It also went down well with my housemates and girlfriend. Goes nicely with a packet of plain crisps and a bottle of ale.

1. Slice a good, mature cheddar finely (but not too much, this shouldn't be the main flavour in the sandwich, two or three very thin slices only).
2. Chop olives and pickled gherkins (I used to use green olives, but black work too). Chop them up roughly, but into fairly small chunks. If the pickles are large, cut into two or three length-ways sections first, before slicing.
3. Put a generous couple of tablespoons of good-quality mayonnaise into a bowl, and grind in pepper quite generously, as well as a small dash of Tabasco and a tiny splash of Lee and Perrin's. No salt required as ingredient are all salty.
4. Drain a can of tuna fish.
5. Add pickles and olives and tuna to mayonnaise and mix thoroughly.
6. Toast a bagel lightly.
7. Add cheese to one side of bagel so it melts a bit.
8. To the other side of bagel add salad leaves - like lambs leaf lettuce or something with a bit of crunch, but only a few, don't cram them on.
9. Spoon mix onto cheese side of bagel, and close bagel.
10. Eat straight away while warm. Fantastic!

Unfortunately, there's no way I can eat this until I leave Asia, but you enjoy.

Monday, 8 July 2019

Deafening silence

Deafening silence, and when good men do nothing, evil triumphs.
But here a fearless warrior, cheerful in her fiery tirade, splendid in her call for revolt.
The time is now, she cries!
And the famous podcaster's eyes glaze over dully, full of warm admiration but child-like terror, he is cocooned in a safe space of ambivalence, a facade of ignorance.
But she shouts out what he knows in his heart: the world is burning, and it's up to us all to put out the fire.

Tuesday, 21 May 2019

The man under the tree

Today I saw an old man napping under a tree.
He was wearing short black rubber wellington boots.
After a while he woke up, propped his head on one hand, and lit a cigarette.
When he finished his smoke, he got slowly up, rolled up his mat, picked up a bag of rubbish, and headed towards a van, which had another old man in the driver's seat.
Before getting to the van, he asked a fat man with a clipboard something.
The clipboard man had been striding around importantly.
The clipboard man prodded a phone and put it to his ear.
Lots of old men in short black or grey rubber wellington boots, some of whom wore brightly-coloured green or red safety hats, were standing or walking around the flower garden by the river. One was taking pictures. Two of them were chatting and a loud chuckle rang out.
They were having a good time.

Wednesday, 22 August 2018

Edogawa

Over by the reeds, a boy has set his shoes neatly down
Nearby, the purple grasses shudder in the late summer breeze
A bronzed old man picks his way across the meadow, hauling unknown cargo
And soon a train, on the slatted metal bridge, will shatter the quiet

Tuesday, 16 August 2016

Phoebe

Her hair grows long, wild and grey
There may be goose feathers in her smock
Some say she crazy - but she ain't
She just a cool old lady who seen a lot

Sometimes the kids come round her porch
She don't tell them to go away
She just give them that old Phoebe stare,
Wheezes on that black old cigar -
And starts on another yarn
That's what they been waiting for

Sometimes they leave her presents
They all love her, that old gal Phoebe

123-year-old Phoebe 
Ain't as active as she used to be
Her main activity be
Sittin' on her porch
Tendin' her bees
And swillin' that ol' cider
She been brewin'
That old gal Phoebe

Monday, 22 February 2016

Pigs trapping troubles

Stifled struggle
Selfish muffle
Trapping troubles
Why?

Told the way
Fold the way
Hold the way
Why?

Shiver notes loosen bones
Shiver notes gust the clouds
Shiver notes soar the gulls
I'm alive

Shiver music touch my feet
Shiver music rub my knuckles
Shiver music cradle ears
I am free

Monday, 11 January 2016

The Hateful Eight

Our cinema-eye ponders over a Jesus Christ crucifix, himself static against a desperate snowy wilderness, the camera wandering minimally yet lingering fixedly upon his stone stare as a deep, unearthly, score tingles the napes of our necks. Is this really a Quentin Tarantino film, or a David Lean epic, miraculously unearthed and polished to pristine, 70mm glory?

Here, the pop-funk-hip-hop cinema DJ seems to have abandoned his cosy home of scintillating pastiche concoctions and slowly, gracefully glided up the mountain into the arena of brooding, cinematic mastery. This is his Kubrick film.

Tarantino has always put his characters front and centre, so fascinated with the idiosyncratic minutia of their thoughts, philosophies and (oft-suspect) wisdoms, yet always they play out their stories in the context of a glorious genre mish-mash, a thick bubbling soup of thumping euphoria and old worn-out chestnut tropes remoulded and jazzed for our delectation. Murderous thugs groan about everyday hassles, set against an eclectic bubblegum mix-tape. His gruesome, funny characters are present and correct yet he has abandoned his gleeful mish-mashing in favour of a slow, sober stare, allowing them (and us) time, time, time to brood. This has a powerfully unsettling effect, as we find ourselves repulsed yet obsessed with each one of this murderous group, their broken psyches (and later, bodies) laid out all over the snow for us to examine and recoil at. Rarely in cinema are we given this chance to look into the hearts of such cold souls with such a grandly sedate magnifying glass. Morricone's score is glorious yet festering, eking out dread from every gnarled face. Arguably, The Hateful Eight can be considered a horror film. Indeed, during the final bloody climax, we are treated to a playfully sinister violin motif composed (by Morricone) for John Carpenter's classic snowy horror, The Thing (also starring Kurt Russel).

Walton Goggins must be heralded as perhaps the most convincing, disgusting villain to have graced any western of this era. Watching him drooling, snorting, grimacing and chuckling through dirty, mangled teeth had a peculiarly disarming effect, as though one had been transported to the late sixties, perhaps watching an unseen Dollars film. He is not of this time, a surviving relic, conjured up from celluloid dust lying on Sergio Leone's cutting-room floor.

While Tarantino has here abandoned much of his trash-collage modus operandi, he retains an obvious playfulness with genre. More subdued perhaps, yet here is a grandiose 70mm (!) epic confined almost entirely to two sets - a cramped stagecoach and a large, messy "haberdashery". What the hell is going on? This is Quentin up to his old tricks, and while he may not have come to this bizarre juxtaposition of epic and tiny, weird mystery-movie (for structurally, much of The Hateful Eight embodies an Agatha Christie story) by creating something wilfully strange, I bet he was delighted when he realised just where he was going. After all, he is someone who has a track record of deep affinity with cinematic oddities.

The Hateful Eight contains many peculiarities, yet remains a satisfyingly grim, logically stately cinema-play, complete with sizzling dialogue delivered by a coterie of magnificent actors, all doing something entirely different, all portraying beautifully twisted, tortured individuals, hanging on to their grim reality with a steel grip. As we long to empathise with one of these miserable humans, our brains struggle to shuffle and re-shuffle an endless stack of their qualities, none of them really warranting any pity, yet all gleaning a little, here and there. Fascinating, beautiful, crazy, I loved it.